A Tribute to my Wife

[dhh3]

Sharon (Rossi) Kay Fremion-Hallock, Wife, Mother, Sister, Daughter, aka Fort Wayne’s Queen of Rock ‘n Roll. I still remember the day that I first met Sharon. I had listened to her for many years on Rock 104, but I never had the pleasure of meeting her. One August afternoon, a mutual friend asked me to go over to the Stadium Bar and Grill, after work, to have a beer. Sharon was sitting at the bar, and my friend introduced me to her. We did the small talk intro, but I had to leave to pick up my daughter. Something inside of me changed when I hit the sunlight. As soon as I left the Stadium, Sharon told everyone at the bar that could hear, “I just met the man that I am going to marry.” I did not see her again for almost four months, but once I met her the second time, I asked her out. The rest became history!

There is now a huge hole in my life, and I have a huge pair of shoes to fill. If you ever had the chance to meet Sharon, the first impression would be the size of her heart. Sharon always put everyone and everything before herself. She never wanted or asked for anything for herself, but she would always offer whatever she had to give. Sharon taught me how to be humble, how to give, and how to be there at a moments’ notice, prepared for any situation that might arise out of life. Her fame and popularity never went to her head. When her Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer, a year before she was diagnosed with her own cancer, we drove to Peru every weekend to spend time with John and Vicki. Sharon wanted to let her Dad know that Vicki would be well taken care of, in his absence. This helped him tremendously, to prepare for his next journey, on which he was about to embark.

We can never know what God has planned for our lives. Two and a half years ago, I lost my job of 15 years, due to attrition. I was so angry, but little did I know that I needed to trust in the Lord, for whatever was part of the plan. Sharon told me not to worry; that everything would work out. And, in the end, Sharon was right again, as usual. Sharon had an uncanny knack of trust, a concept that I am trying to finally grasp. Losing my job actually allowed me to be there for Sharon, to take care of her, to love her, and to nurture her throughout this ordeal. One month after her Dad, John, passed away from lung cancer, Sharon was diagnosed with breast cancer. Initially, the diagnosis was Stage 3, but when the final results were revealed, it was Stage 4, inoperable. Her doctor had initially told her that she had 4 or 5 years, but when the surgeon put the port in for chemo, I was told 6 months to a year. Obviously, the surgeon saw something. I never told Sharon this, but somehow I think she knew. Anyone that knew Sharon knew that she had the gift of planning any kind of celebration. Sharon immediately went to work planning her funeral. I do not know how she did this, but I was with her every day, every hour and every minute, right up to the end. I miss her tremendously, as any spouse would miss their better half. One day, we will be together again. She is with me every day; but mostly, she and Buzz Maxwell are making beautiful music for all of the Angels to hear.

[dhh3]

On Thursday, February 23, 2012, my beautiful wife, soul mate, love of my life, lost her short, but hard fought battle with breast cancer. Sharon was diagnosed with Stage 4, inoperable, estrogen driven breast cancer last July, but could not be put on full tilt chemo, as it had already progressed to her chest wall, lymph system, spine and bones. She could no longer produce her own red and white blood cells, so heavy duty chemo was out. When she was diagnosed, she had no symptoms: NONE WHATSOEVER. They say that cancer is the silent killer, and now I know this to be true.

Sharon was so worried about me. When I assured her that I would be OK, she was at peace and passed to the other side. She fought the fight. Sharon had to battle this cancer with one hand tied behind her back; she never seemed to get any good news once it was diagnosed. The whole time she fought this insidious creature, her main concern was making it as comfortable as possible for everyone else. Her trademark humor (she was a DJ on the radio, Rock 104, WXKE for almost 20 years) intercepted the awkward voids in conversation and she suppressed any "why me" moments. This UNFAIR and AGGRESSIVE disease pushed, and shoved very hard on Sharon and she responded with the passion and heart that we all came to expect from her. In the end, the cancer got it's way, as it generally does. But, I can guarantee you, after the day was done, the Grim Reaper went home battered, sore, completely exhausted, and is today considering a new line of work. It has been said that Sharon was like a leaf in a stream, clinging to a rock and fighting the spring current: once she knew that I and the kids would be OK, she finally let go to discover the treasures that are awaiting her downstream.

I don't have anyone to rib me about my latest mod. Sharon used to refer to my Commander as my "Clown Car" because of all the additions. She never understood the passion involved with making a car unique. This is what I will miss the most - her honesty and living life to the fullest.
Godspeed, and thanks for reading.

Dave

[dhh3]

February, 2013

Well, I can not believe that a year has passed, since Sharon's passing. Little did I know of the gifts that would be awaiting me over the past year.

You see, this is the type of person that Sharon was. Before Christmas, last year, Sharon asked me if she could go shopping. This was towards the end of her "Chemo" journey. I told her, sure, and asked if she wanted me to go. She assured me that she would be fine. She wanted to go alone. As the time went by, I began to worry, but after a couple of hours, she was home. She was tired and wanted to nap. I asked her if everything was fine. She smiled, and told me, "yes".

What she had done that day was to shop for Cards: Birthday Cards, Anniversary Cards, Friendship Cards, "you name it" Cards. Then, in my absence, she began to fill out each and every Card with a personal note. Enough Cards for a whole year, for all of her friends and family. Then, she put a stamp and a return address sticker, as well as a name and address, on each envelope, and made a corresponding list for all of the Cards, organized by date: Birthday, Anniversary, Friendship, etc. Some of the Cards included a note; some, a little money. On this list were the Anniversary Dates, the Birth Dates, the Friendship Dates for all of her friends and family. The list was actually the instructions on when to send out the Card, so the Card would arrive at the appropriate time. She then gave the list and the boxes of Cards to her best friend here in town, Cookie. I had no clue that she had done this. Then, after Sharon's passing, Cookie began to mail out the Cards, one by one, according to the list. Cookie kept this from me as long as she could - at first, people were thanking me for the Cards! This is when Cookie finally had to tell me what Sharon had done.

To this day, I can not grasp how Sharon did this. Bearing this burden of impending death, she took the time to remember all those who were close to her, all those who meant something to her. What could have been going through her mind as she read each and every Card, trying to pick out the appropriate one for each individual and occasion? I know why she did this; I just do not know how she did this. Sharon had a huge heart - everyone came before she did. She longed for nothing out of life, other than the love and happiness from her friends and family.

People began to call and thank me for the Cards. To feel and hear the heart of my wife, I would ask the person to read me the card: most were in the nature of this: Front of Card - You are one year older. Inside of Card - and I haven't changed a bit! If the person was close by, I asked them to bring the Card over, so that I could personally see and feel the love. I actually received two Birthday Cards, because Sharon could not decide which one that she liked better.

I wanted to share this, a continuation of my "Tribute". Take time to grasp life, and do not take anything for granted. Each day is a gift. Cherish the time for as long as you can. Needless to say, Friends and Family are on their way over for a "Toast".

[dhh3]

February 23, 2015

Well, I can not believe that another year has past. Hard to believe, but this past year was actually worse than the first. I think that I was numb or in a state of disbelief the first year. This past year, Greif finally reared it's ugly head. I think of Grief as as a Huge Monster that can completely engulf a person. I can only explain that is what happened last year. I have been told that this situation would get easier as time went by, but for me it has not. Maybe, this next year will allow me to take a turn in the right direction in order to get my life back together. Problem is, I still have not accepted the fact that she is gone. I still expect to see her walk into the room, or that she is out shopping and will be home soon.

I was very hesitant to post this on the Nitro Forum, because these Forums are supposed to be about cars. The Guys and Gals over there were fine with it, as we all considered ourselves as an extended family. They gave me much needed support. If I have offended anyone here, I apologize. We come to know each other by the way we post on the forum. Each post can be seen as a part of one's personality. If you have kids, hug them tightly tonight. A wife, the same. You never know what tomorrow will bring.

[jkeaton]

Wow man, just wow. So sorry for your loss.. I had no idea. My wife has lost both parents, her older brother and older sister and her husband all within the last 5 years. Cherish every waking moment you have with your loved ones.

[Lobitz68]

Very touching, my eyes swelled as I read your posts. If it is any consolation, I can say for sure that you had something very special that some will never have. Cherish your memories and never let go, even if you do move on. I am sorry for your loss and am impressed by your will. Thank you for sharing.

[rolly]

What a wonderful tribute to your wife. Thank you so much for sharing a great love story. A forum is what you make it and you my friend raised the bar. God bless!

[Mrmagoo]

A great tribute to your wife Dave. Many of us have great difficulty expressing our feelings towards a loss and I too have done this on another forum after losing both my parents in a two year period.

The support I received there was unreal. In my opinion if anyone on the forum takes offense they don't belong here.

Thank you for reminding us what life is about.

[dhh3]

You are correct about the Commander holding many clowns! I can't imagine losing a child. It does not register in my mind at all. Losing a spouse is one thing, but a child would be an entirely different story. Maybe your children will try to make contact behind their mother's will. I will pray for you.

Edited June 20, 2016 by jkeaton

[pacman]

Great tribute. I'm sure your wife will be proud of you.

You're very right, one never knows what's going to happen tomorrow, so don't hesitate showing your feelings to your loved ones. Sometimes, doing so is difficult to me, but reading letters like yours make it a little bit easier.

I give thanks everyday to God for having 3 healthy kids and a wife. Enjoy every shiny moment of your life.

I'll pray for you too.

[Gas Man]

Yes you never know what tomorrow can bring. A beautiful tribute to your wife and your lives as a couple. We actually replaced my wife's 06 Grand Caravan in September with a 2014 Journey RT that I had shopped around for. Sadly she only drove it a handful of times, as poor health in December 2014 gave way to a diagnosis of stomach cancer on Dec 23, which had already spread. Also chemo was not an option and she passed away on Jan 24, 2015. This winter has been surreal for myself with the death of my wife of 30 years as in many ways it has not fully sunken in.

Hold your loved ones tight.

[rolly]

Sorry for your loss.

[bigtsr]

Condolences on your loss.

[dhh3]

Yes you never know what tomorrow can bring. A beautiful tribute to your wife and your lives as a couple. We actually replaced my wife's 06 Grand Caravan in September with a 2014 Journey RT that I had shopped around for. Sadly she only drove it a handful of times, as poor health in December 2014 gave way to a diagnosis of stomach cancer on Dec 23, which had already spread. Also chemo was not an option and she passed away on Jan 24, 2015. This winter has been surreal for myself with the death of my wife of 30 years as in many ways it has not fully sunken in.

Hold your loved ones tight.

I found the second year to be worse than the first. Grief is an ugly beast. Go to counseling if you can. Go just long enough to realize that you are not crazy. Grief works in many ways, affects each of us differently. God speed.

[dhh3]

I do not like going out by myself, and emotionally I am not ready to date. Funny, Sharon kept hounding me to make sure that I got married again. I heard her make a promise with one of her best friends, Tammy, to divorce Lyle (Tammy's husband) and marry Dave. About two weeks before Sharon went on to bigger and better things, she looked me straight in the eye, and very sternly said, "Don't marry Jody!" Jody was my first wife, the mother of my only daughter.

[dhh3]

The silence around here is deafening.

[Lawdog1911]

Thank you for this wonderful tribute to your Wife. It is almost word for word what I needed to hear. God has been in this for years now, I just never saw it. I had a great job with the county and it had great benefits as well. I got let go for a dumb reason ( close to being vested for life in the county after 10 years) and I got fired for not filing paper work 24 hours after and incident. Anyway, My step son was diagnosed with hodgkins lymphoma and I was off and was able to cash in my retirement and take the year off to be with him and take him to his chemo appointments and scans which lasted about a year. Just that alone was a blessing in disguise because I had worked the night shift for 10 years and my wife day shift. I only seen her on the weekends. This gave us the family time we had been missing. my son is in remission from his cancer and I got back to work Dec 2013 where I sold cars at a Dodge Chrysler Ram Jeep dealership. I worked there 3 months and got injured on the job and had to have hip and both knee surgeries. Needless to say, I have been off work and on workers comp since March 2014 because insurance takes too long to do surgeries (a year to do my right knee) and I have spent the last two years with my family and we have been managing pretty good with just my wife working.

She was diagnosed with pancreatic and liver cancer on June 30th this year. Drs had given her a year to live and after the surgery and some complications, she now has months. They let us come home to live out the rest of the days she has left to be with family after 51 days in the hospital. Again, I was off and able to be with her 24-7 at the hospital and now at home. She is and has always been a strong person and always did for others before herself. We were the Childrens Church pastors at our Church, and she was an Activity Director at an assisted living / alzhiemer's home. She lived to help others and that's who she was. She went from taking some vacations days to get some tests done at her Drs office to major surgery and cancer.

[dhh3]

Reliving all of this just breaks my heart. God has a plan for each of us; pre-planned and laid out upon conception. I lost my job so that I could be home to take of Sharon. She was with me for my two neck fusions, and when I tore my achilles tendon off of my heel. These last three back surgeries I have had to endure on my own. This is where I miss her the most. She was so giving. I have no idea how I am supposed to put all of this aside, and try and find room for a replacement. Bad terminology, I know. But the sad truth. God Speed on this next journey you are just embarking upon. Use CaringBridge. It is awesome. After the posting stopped, they sent me an email and asked me if I wanted a book of Sharon's personal web site. I could pick and choose what to have printed. I had the whole thing printed. The book sits on the coffee table, and I do read it from time to time. I just can't seem to put this all away, and move on with my life.

[dhh3]

Well, another year has gone by, and my heart still aches for Sharon. I have no idea how long this takes to go away, and finally depart my soul and body. I have a friend who remarried shortly after his wife passed, so I asked him if he had to take down all the pictures. Without hesitation, he blurtd out, "Yes, of course"! I am no where ready for this. The pictures keep me company. Lots of good memories.

Before Sharon died, she told me to do two things: get married again and enjoy life and just be happy. So far, not married and have no plans for this. I'm not even looking. But, then again, I wasn't looking when I met Sharon. I was too consumed raising my Daughter.

As for the fun/being happy part, I am having the time of my life driving my DJ HellCat Crossroad SRT! I love the looks I get, and the conversations that may ensue when I am parked somewhere. When I go into my Dealer for service, etc., I always hand the kid the RED FOB, which has an SRT Logo on it! The look on his face is priceless, because he has no idea what I am driving!

Hug your kids tonight. Give your wives an extra hug and kiss today. One never knows what lies ahead, as we travel, like a leaf flowing down a stream.

Thanks for reading. To be continued.

[jkeaton]

I can't begin to/don't want to think how it feels to lose the love of your life. Hang in there man. Keep that Hellcat between the ditches.

[rolly]

Dave thanks for sharing this. You are so right, sometimes we don't appreciate what we have. Take care brother.

[Steve_T]

Dave, your story touched my heart. I'm about to go through a painful time myself, as my wife is having surgery tomorrow to remove a cancerous tumour, and with cancer, we all know too well that it is not easy to beat.

My wife is a lot tougher than I am, and she seems to be taking it in stride.

I couldn't begin to imagine my life, or my kids lives without her.

My grandfather passed away when I was 18, and my grandmother just passed before Christmas. She 93, and was without him for over 20 years, never forgot about him or took down pictures. Warms my heart to know they're finally back together, after such a long time apart.

[dhh3]

I know what you are going through. You will not begin to realize how intertwined your lives are until one of you is gone. I miss Sharon tremendously, and I have no idea how to move on. LawDog lost is wife last fall. It is tough, but God does not give us more than we can carry.

Edited February 26, 2016 by dhh3

[rolly]

Dave, your story touched my heart. I'm about to go through a painful time myself, as my wife is having surgery tomorrow to remove a cancerous tumour, and with cancer, we all know too well that it is not easy to beat.

My wife is a lot tougher than I am, and she seems to be taking it in stride.

I couldn't begin to imagine my life, or my kids lives without her.

My grandfather passed away when I was 18, and my grandmother just passed before Christmas. She 93, and was without him for over 20 years, never forgot about him or took down pictures. Warms my heart to know they're finally back together, after such a long time apart.

I'll keep her in my prayers and you as well!

[dhh3]

Not ready to date. I'm not looking, but something may happen like the way I met Sharon. Plenty of friends. I just signed up to be an Uber Driver. Maybe I can meet someone this way.! LOL Besides, if I end up in Michigan, I can shoot people in between rides. I do need the practice.