My wife needs your help!

[Lawdog1911]

Hello everyone, i hope this post find you well. On June 30th my wife was diagnosed with a terminal cancer. A routine biopsy of a benign cyst on her pancreas lead to finding a cancer had spread to her liver thruoght the bile ducts. After a Whipple procedure to reroute the ducts and adding three bilillary drains and two gall bladder drains her bilirubin count has remained high.

The Drs have done all they can and are sending us home after 50 days at the hospital. She has been through a lot and has had many complications during her stay at the hospital. The Surgeon is sending her home to spend her last days with family. He said he expects her back because she will get worse and when she comes back they will start her on hospice care unless we do home hospice care.

We are not ready for this. It all happened so fast! We just had a grand baby 2 months ago. We are in our early 40s and Wow, this happens. Tomorrow is bitter sweet, we get to finally go home but also the beginning of the end.

I have been out of work on a work related injury for a year now, and she was the only income. Now she is only getting 60% of her income on short term disability. It's pretty rough and the bills keep coming in. Our church has set up a " youcaring.com" account but I could not link it here. I also have a PayPal account where we are taking donations. If you can please help out where you can. We need your Prayers and your Support! Thank you and God Bless you!

My PayPal address is. Icanbe_reached@hotmail.com

Youcaring.com name: Loving Lenurma

[jkeaton]

Sorry to hear this. Hope you get what you need.

[pseudus]

My heart goes out to you and your family. Thoughts and prayers for you.

[dhh3]

I lost my wife a little over 3 years ago, to breast cancer. She was diagnosed in July, 2011, and passed on Feb 23, 2012. I know exactly what you are going through. I have a Thread on the forum: A Tribute to my Wife. Reading it may bring you comfort. She wanted to see her grandchildren, but God had other plans for her. I find myself much closer to God in her absence. Hospice was awesome. I will pray for you that your wife gets the same kind of care that my wife received. I do not know how the Hospice people do this work. All I can say is that they are Angles. I never received a Bill for anything from Hospice. They even reimbursed me for a 2 week bottle of oxycontin ($500.) I had just purchased for Sharon. You may PM me anytime, because I know right now your head is spinning, and nothing seems right. Your emotions are on a roller coaster ride. I wanted to go outside and scream as loud as I could. I never let Sharon see me cry.

Your wife is entitled to SS Disability. Cancer patient's get approved right away, but there still is a 5 month waiting period. Sharon's check was for February, payable in March. She did not live to get it.

It would seem to me that you would be entitled to SS Disability, also. + Your children under 18 as long as they are in school. I did not know that I was entitled to it until I went to our local SS office. I was awarded SS Disability, based on my VA Disability. I have been waiting for over 5 years for the VA to put me at 100% because I was awarded SS Disability based on a USAF doctor's screw up. I was awarded SS Disability right away; no appeal; no lawyer taking 1/2 or whatever they charge. The VA is waiting for me to die so they don't have to pay me. At least I would be with Sharon again.

Edited August 18, 2015 by dhh3

[rolly]

My thoughts and prayers to you as well. Read Dave's tribute as suggested, I found it very moving and I know it would help. I lost one of my best friends last year and I was blessed and honored to be part of his support group. Don't be afraid to surround yourself with friends and family, that's what they're there for. God bless.

[dhh3]

I just thought of something that can help. Go to: caringbridge.org and start a page for your wife. It is sort of a FB for people with cancer. You and your wife can add anything you want in the Journal Section. All your friends and family can respond to your journal entries. Get the word out. It spreads like a wild fire. No cost, and the printed words are a blessing.

Please PM me anytime when you get things sorted out. I am here for you because, as I said, I know exactly how you feel. People will tell you this, but unless they have lost a spouse, they have no idea. Initially, I had no one. Now, you have me. It is a start.

[Lawdog1911]

She was pretty stable Tuesday morning that they let her go home. We lasted 10 hours there and I had to bring her back to the hospital where we waited in the ER from midnight until 8 pm Wednesday night. She was running a 102.5 temp and really drained and confused. The ER was the worst care I have ever seen. They didn't give her anything for the fever until Wednesday after noon. They didn't give her the antibiotic she needed all day and they did feed her thru her feed tube or flush her biliary drains all day and they got clogged and weren't draining which cause more infection. Horrible experience all together. They finally got us in a room and got her comfortable again but we have been waiting to hear from the Dr since we got back here. She did enjoy being home the little while she was there though.

Edited August 21, 2015 by Lawdog1911

[dhh3]

I can imagine all the heartache. Sharon woke me up at midnight, one night. I asked her what was wrong. She said that she felt like she was going to die. So, I took her to the emergency room where she was taking her Chemo. She had pneumonia with a temp of 105. The new Hospital was under construction. The cancer patients were still being seen at the old one. We waited about 8 hours for an ambulance. They wouldn't let me driver her there, which is a lot closer to our house. Sharon was in the hospital for about 5 days, and her oncologist told her "no more chemo" and sent her home with Hospice. Hospice was awesome. The hospital absolutely sucked. I'm praying for both of you. Seems like you have it a lot worse than I did. Godspeed.

[Lawdog1911]

She is coming home Sunday morning at 8:30 with hospice transport. She is so tired and weak. She is trying to be strong like she used to be and fight this, but she can't and she can see that. It is so hard for her right now because she is still with it and knows whats going on with her. Today, my step daughterhad to tell her 4 year old son that his "Nernie" (Grandmother) was so sic that the Drs couldn't heal her but that Jesus could and that she would be going to heaven to be with Jesus. I bet that was the hardest thing she ever had to do. No one should ever have to do that. This is starting to wear on me more and more. I don't know how much longer I can hold up.

[dhh3]

You have to be strong for her and constantly tell that her you will be OK when she is gone. Do not let her see you weak. There will lots of episodes of ups and downs, but you have to remain yourself for her. She needs you, and if she is anything like Sharon was, I was constantly being barraged with, "I'm OK. I can do it myself". Sharon had a strong will and a huge heart. She wanted beat this insidious creature on her own. In the end, her body could no longer battle it. She is my Angel, and friends will tell me that she is still around. Comforting.

Edited September 4, 2015 by dhh3

[Lawdog1911]

My wife went to be with the Lord. She left us at 1:29 this morning. She went peacefully after she came home on hospice care. I just got home from the funeral home where I had to make the final arrangments. I have never felt so alone! I don't know what to do anymore.

[jkeaton]

Aww man.. so sorry.

[rolly]

My sincere condolences.

[bfurth]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Spend time with your family. These are the times they are around for.

[dhh3]

My heart cries out to you. This is the part of life that really sucks. You need to go to a bereavement support meeting; either in a group setting, or by yourself. Grief is a big ugly beast, and it can take hold of you in many ways. Go long enough to know that you are not going crazy; it is all part of grief. I went long enough to know that I was not crazy. I have become very good friends with the Pastor from Hospice. He told me that he never gets involved with clients, but that Sharon was somehow different. People will start to treat you differently because they do not know what to say. But, you have to talk about it, because the more that you talk about it, the easier it gets. People do not understand this.

My problem is that I have not accepted the fact that Sharon is gone and not coming back. Whenever I was on the computer, typing on a forum, she would always sneak up behind me to ask me who my new girlfriend was. Everytime I get on this forum, I feel her watching me type. Or, if I get up, and walk into the Living Room I expect to see her laying on the couch. I have no idea how long this is going to take.

If you pm me your email address, I will send you a set of papers that I received from Cancer Services, concerning grief. They are always sitting by the computer, so that I can read them when necessary. Initially, I was lost and in shock, wondering what I was supposed to do now. Then anger. Then feeling all alone, no matter who was in the house. This is all part of grief. I pray that you will get through this. God is with you right now.

[rolly]

My heart cries out to you. This is the part of life that really sucks. You need to go to a bereavement support meeting; either in a group setting, or by yourself. Grief is a big ugly beast, and it can take hold of you in many ways. Go long enough to know that you are not going crazy; it is all part of grief. I went long enough to know that I was not crazy. I have become very good friends with the Pastor from Hospice. He told me that he never gets involved with clients, but that Sharon was somehow different. People will start to treat you differently because they do not know what to say. But, you have to talk about it, because the more that you talk about it, the easier it gets. People do not understand this.

My problem is that I have not accepted the fact that Sharon is gone and not coming back. Whenever I was on the computer, typing on a forum, she would always sneak up behind me to ask me who my new girlfriend was. Everytime I get on this forum, I feel her watching me type. Or, if I get up, and walk into the Living Room I expect to see her laying on the couch. I have no idea how long this is going to take.

If you pm me your email address, I will send you a set of papers that I received from Cancer Services, concerning grief. They are always sitting by the computer, so that I can read them when necessary. Initially, I was lost and in shock, wondering what I was supposed to do now. Then anger. Then feeling all alone, no matter who was in the house. This is all part of grief. I pray that you will get through this. God is with you right now.

My thoughts and prayers to both of you.

Edited September 4, 2015 by rolly

[Lawdog1911]

Had an awesome service for her. The hardest part was when they closed her casket and loaded her in the hearse and drove her off. Saturday was her Visitation in the morning and her service at 1pm. I stayed out all day until about midnight and watched the new mad max movie and fell asleep. Went to church this morning and it was really difficult to sit where we always sat and having an empty chair next to me. I stayed out all day again, and just got home to try to get some sleep. It still really hard and I miss her so bad!!!

[dhh3]

PM answered and Bereavement Sheets sent. It seems like you are doing much better than I did, and that is good. I do not like going out alone. Still go to church, but I'm still uncomfortable sitting by myself. Friends sit with me.

[Lawdog1911]

Today, after what seems like forever, we are finally laying my wife to rest at her Family cemetery. I still miss her dearly and cannot believe she is gone.

[redtomatoman]

I'm sorry Lawdog. I have no idea what you are going through. I can't imagine losing my wife. Stay strong for yourself and your family.

Peace.

[Lawdog1911]

Six months out and It is still hard. I am still not getting the sleep I need, 3 hours a night at the most. I am still out on workers comp, but the benefits ran out. Apparently it is only for 2 years. I am still disabled as of last months appointment with my surgeon. I was getting by with the workers comp checks, but now I don't have an income at all.

I miss my wife so much! The Holidays were the worst! I had her Birthday in October, our anniversary in November, Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday, and the worst one of all and the hardest, was new years eve. I laid by her grave side for hours crying and talking to her on valentines day. I miss her so much still.

I don't know what I am gonna do. Well, I am putting it in Gods hands first and foremost. Please keep me in your prayers! Thank You, and God Bless!

[dhh3]

I know exactly how you feel, and it has been four long, lonely years.

Check in to Social Security Disability. You may be entitled to it. I got it based on my VA disability. No appeal. I was awarded it right away. Now, I have been fighting with the VA for 5 years to put me at 100%. Everything you hear about the VA: multiply that by 100 and that is how it really is.